Ruminating

 Ruminating...

... is a good word. I like the feel and texture of it. And, the sound. I wish I could roll my rrrrrrrrrrrrs - and, I would like it even better.

The word has possibilities. It has action. It has motivation. I can even use it in a sentence...

Today, I was ruminating. Sidebar...I just looked up the word and I see most of the definitions are not so positive. I'm pondering why this is so. I guess the person who wrote the definitions doesn't appreciate the possibilities that come about during the process. To ruminate or to ponder - to think deeply about something?

As I said, today, I was ruminating. A while back, I posted on Facebook about the surprise visit of a skink on our deck and the fresh "partial" remains of a brown snake we found half in/half out of our rock wall. I expressed my list of vile creatures I don't want sharing my space (and, yes it is my space). I also posted pictures of the skink and the snake and then kept creeping myself out by looking at the pictures - until I deleted them.  My childhood friend replied to my post..."I don't remember you being such a candy ass." What? Well, to be fair, he knew me when I was ages 7-12 and, at that time, I even had a pet snake we found in the yard. And, the time I took home, and cared for, the two classroom iguanas over the summer after 6th grade. And, when we spent hours crawdad fishing in the creek behind our homes. We spent a lot of time together and I was never afraid of much. Hence my rumination - I've been pondering his comment for a week and I don't remember being a candy ass either.

What happened to me? He's right. I have tempered my oneness with nature. And, the risk-taker in me has done its best to disappear. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a race-car driver. I loved to go fast. My very favorite spot on the roller coaster was the very front seat in the very first car. I rode with hands held over my head and loved every screaming minute of it as my heart jumped to my throat with the first thrilling dip. I loved to climb trees - the higher the better. I was never afraid of much. But, now. I've let the unknowns sway my heart to keeping it safe.

It kind of stinks! Losing the fire for facing the fear. Or, is it true? With age comes wisdom.

I don't want to be the stick in the mud, the scaredy cat, the one to be so aware of my surroundings that I am unable to walk this journey of life and to enjoy all of the beautiful things and the inquisitive wonder that comes along the way. There is so much to be missed. I want to embrace life, embrace nature (except snakes), embrace the goodness in people, embrace the things that scare me - embrace the things that dare me to be stronger. I want to embrace God with a full heart; so, I can love with a full heart that overflows to encourage others to live and to love with a full heart, too.

So, I am done with ruminating. I am reaching deep. I am looking up and I am claiming the mantra "Candy Ass NO MORE!" Honestly, someone send me a shirt.

Leaning In...

I like the phrase "leaning in".  I have learned that the really good stuff happens when I "lean in". I can see better, hear better, touch better, smell better. And, since I'm mentioning the senses, I'm sure I can probably taste better too. However, I've not really thought about that one too much.

Our dogs sure believe that the best things in life happen when they fully lean in. Charles Walter (Charlie) and Augie are masters at leaning in, They are so good at it, It's a common thing for them to find my husband or me and lay their heads on our lap, or to press their 90lb. bodies fully against ours (while we are sitting or standing), or to tuck their heads, with gentle purpose, under our elbows. They each know they will get a good scratch behind their ear, they will receive a gentle touch on their face or a full-out gratifying scratch on their behinds or their bellies, I've noticed they lean in when they are unsure, they are unsettled or they are just a little lonely. Leaning in is what they know to do. We are the safe place for them and the people that satisfy their needs. This is also, simply,  how they love.  Oh, to have the gentle heart of a Doodle!

What about me? I lean in when I am unsure, when I am unsettled and when I am a little lonely. Leaning in makes me feel comforted, makes me feel safe, makes me feel happy and secure. However, in order to lean in, I have to have trustworthy people, thoughts and behaviors that will hold me secure.

I've learned the really important thing is to lean in to the right people that will bless my life with God's truth. These people make me stronger and are strength-bearers for my heart. Be discerning. Lean in to those who LIVE love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Oh, and, people with a happy heart are also to be included (had to add that one). These steadfast people in my life continually teach me how to clothe myself in these beautiful garbs of Christ. In this way I am able to lean back against them and offer these same blessings. The give and take of LOVE.

So, I pray you are brave enough to lean in to the beautiful people, life and love that makes a difference in your life. Lean in to your "safe" places and ask for God's abundant grace to envelope you in the good stuff, You will learn that what you receive is also what you learn to give.

P.S. Ironically, at this very moment the song "Lean on Me" is playing on my Spotify station. Isn't that the absolute BEST - this blog post is God ordained. I'm always amazed at His simple grace:)

Laying it on the Altar

Fear Is In His Hands - Hannah Hurnard 

I said, "I can't stop being afraid."

"I'll teach you, Hannah," He said.  

Once, as I was looking out the train window during a train trip,

I saw a field covered with lovely fruit trees.

In the middle was a huge scarecrow and on his arms,

five birds were perched.

The Lord said to me, "Hannah, there are

foolish birds and wise birds. The foolish birds

are frightened by scarecrows and they fly away.

But wise birds know that all the best fruit grows

close to a scarecrow. When they see one,

they chuckle with joy and fly straight there

to find the best fruit.

"Your fears are like a scarecrow.

If you put your hand in mine and go up

to every scarecrow, you'll always find

lovely blessings."

And so I sit here - trying to write this blog and wanting to reach for God's hand as I try to face the scarecrow lurking in front of me...because, I know that the blessings are waiting for me; so, I want to face the fear. Why is this so hard? And, if this is so hard, why do I feel like I even need to share my heart? Where is God leading me on this familiar, yet unfamiliar, path?

One of my favorite books is "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. I relate to the main character, Much-Afraid, as she travels to the high places where she can forever dwell with the Shepherd. She learns along the journey, though it is sometimes difficult and lonely, to make an altar of her fears so God can transform those things by love into things of beauty.  Along her journey she builds many altars to remind herself of the Shepherd's goodness. These are the lessons she has learned as she surrenders her heart to the journey.

"...He remarked quietly that the important thing about altars was that they made possibilities of apparent impossibilities..." - Hinds' Feet on High Places

I, too, am like Much-Afraid. God continues to teach me to build an altar at the hard places in my life with a heart of thanksgiving. I continue to learn that He transforms a grateful heart in the most astonishing ways. He turns fear into faith, lack into bounty, rough stones into precious jewels.

The Shepherd laughed too. "I love doing preposterous things," he replied. "Why, I don't know anything more exhilarating and delightful than turning weakness into strength and fear into faith and that which has been marred into perfection." -  Hinds' Feet on High Places

So, I am building an altar at this place and holding on tightly to the Shepherd's hand as I embark once more on this blogging journey, I pray this blog is a safe place, a thoughtful place and a helpful place. A place where I can show God's love and be a witness to others of His transforming grace.

"Whenever you are willing to obey me Much-Afraid and to follow the path of my choice, you will always be able to hear and recognize my voice and when you hear it you must always obey. Remember, also, that it is always safe to obey my voice, even if it seems to call you to paths which look impossible or even crazy." - Hinds' Feet on High Places

Much like the Shepherd's love transformed Much-Afraid to Grace and Glory I can't wait to see how His love transforms me!

P.S. Read the book. It will change your life!

Photo by Peggy Chmelicek