Grandma the ridiculous superhero

Our grandsons spent last weekend with us. They are 10 and 8 (soon to be 9) and, lately, have had rather full plates - especially for guys that are so young. Their lives right now are full of uncertainty and a little bit of fear and a lot of worry  - worry about adult things and things they can't fix. It kills me! I see the sadness in their eyes and I want to kiss it away - but, they want none of that - after all, they are getting too big for those physical acts of affection. 

So, my goal was to work around all of that anxiety and to just make them laugh and to be silly. They have great imaginations. They are almost like twins that have shared the same space in their mother's womb - at times, it is almost surreal. They finish each other's sentences and one will finish a story the other has started. They are a unit - solid and sure!

Over breakfast of "make a smile" pancakes at I-Hop, they started telling us the story they want to write - all about their family and good and evil. They kept bouncing back and forth with the story line and, actually, it was really good. I just assumed the story would include a superhero. After all, they always do. So, I said, "Ah Ha, a superhero - I can get into this". So, I went on to explain that I wanted to be in their story - as a sassy, flamin' red-haired, red-cape, red cowboy-boot wearin' - superhero. A superhero with ATTITUDE." I can just see it - it would be so cool. And, I went on to explain how my superhero power would be that when evil came after us, I would stare it down and fill its head with love and then it wouldn't be able to harm us - everything would be wonderful.  My comment was met with four eyes that looked at me with unbelief (there may have been six eyes; however, I couldn't see Joe's because he was sitting next to me). I don't think they heard about my incredible power - they were just doing their best to erase that image of their grandma with flamin' red hair, wearing a red cape and red cowboy boots from their young, impressionable minds. Gee, for boys with imagination, they certainly were not in my moment.

The real kicker of the story is that they finally (by the end of the day) determined I would be some kind of kook "electric" girl that couldn't contain her powers and, instead of using my powers for good (even thought I tried), I would end up channeling my powers back on myself and would fry my own brains and short-circuit myself. Boy, do they know how to make me feel good about myself.

But, for a moment - if only a short while - I succeeded. I encouraged them to laugh and forget the things troubling them and just let them enjoy being little boys teasing their grandma.  

I hope they remember that being ridiculous is sometimes pretty fun, that belly laughs always make you feel better and that their grandma loves them enough to put frightening images of herself wearing a red cape and cowboy boots into their little heads. But, more importantly, I hope they ALWAYS KNOW how very much they are loved!

Count your blessings, name them one by one...

I was confirmed Sunday. After attending St. Michael's Episcopal Church for 5+ years, I finally succumbed. My priest has quietly been after me for a while to officially be "confirmed." Not being confirmed was my quiet rebellion - for no other purpose than just to have a way out in case I ever needed it. Is that a silly notion, or what - a way out from what, I wonder?

It's just that I didn't see the point. I had made a public profession of faith and was baptized when I was nine years old. My walk with God has always been such a vital part of my life. It really irritated me I had to be "confirmed" to become part of the Episcopal faith tradition and not just "received" as I was. Seems a bit exclusionary to me - but, that's the rule.

Let me back up a bit. I was raised in the Baptist faith and have always worn the title "Baptist" like a badge of honor. I have always respected the way I was raised and my parents provided a loving upbringing in the church for me and my sisters. By circumstances, I found myself visiting an Episcopal church with my husband and, now, this is the place we call home.

I was not confirmed at my home church because the Bishop is retiring and making rounds to all of the different parishes in the diocese and will not be returning to St. Michael's until late next year. I had to strike while the spirit was moving me (so to speak); so, Mother Pat, my priest, found a church and the bishop and sent me on my merry way to be confirmed - complete with my confirmation certificate and the big "book of life" (it's the church membership book so the Bishop could sign me in - makes me official).

I kept this whole experience pretty quiet from my home congregation and from my family. I just wanted to slip in, get it done and slip out. A quiet little ceremony - I would get up with all the other folks being confirmed, received, etc., and be about my business. It was not going to be a big deal. But, Nooooo, I learned just a few days beforehand that I was going to be the "only one" confirmed. Great - just great!

I do not like to do things in front of people. I always cry. I have labeled myself a weeper and a squeaker -  my face gets chapped, my palms sweat, my eyes leak, my nose runs and my voice raises about an octave. I am mortified when all of this happens. I am very emotional - especially regarding spiritual things - my heart just becomes so completely full it has to overflow somewhere and it just pours out.

So, now I am going to be confirmed in front of complete strangers and I am all by myself. But, wait...my friends decide to surround me with their love and support and I find myself grateful beyond all words. Abbey, Ann and HazelAnn made a special effort to drive across town to be witness to this momentous event - I kind of wondered if Mo Pat sent them to make sure I actually showed up - that wasn't the case, though - they just love me:) In addition was my husband and two of my grandsons, Tyler and Gavin.

The Bishop called Joe and me to the front, the service began - Joe presented me and then, with the Bishop's direction, I was asked to repeat my baptismal vows. The Bishop then asked me to kneel in front of him for the blessing. He placed his hands on my head and prayed over me and - Oh Boy! - here comes the tears... What a tremendous and powerful moment. Not a big deal - Ha! It was a HOLY moment of holy moments. I've had them before and this one was especially moving for me. It was a reaffirmation of where I am in my life - a crossroads. And, it was confirmation for me that I am right where I belong - finding my way in this life with God's grace, mercy and love. I was so mistaken - I was NOT confirming anything. God was confirming me! And, I felt His love!

So, I count my blessings - I'm thankful for Mother Pat, my home congregation, the loving folks at All Saints, Mother Barbara who hugged me through this moment,  my friends that love and support me and my husband and family. I'm ashamed I did not ask my Mom and sisters to join me on this day - I was selfish and hope they forgive me. I missed them! It was remarkable and they belonged there with me and would have been there without pause - I wish they had known and they could have shared that moment with me - it would have been Holy for them, too.

Be Still - and, stop rockin' the boat

Remember the story about Jesus and the disciples out on the sea and in a small fishing boat during a violent storm? I'm paraphrasing this and you can find the story in the Bible (Matthew 8:23). This story amazes me. The disciples freak out because the storm is bad, the waves are high and they are just certain they are going to drown. So they wake Jesus from a sound sleep to beg that He save them. It's kind of funny, really, because He just sort of shakes His head and tells them to relax (Oh, boy) and then He does what He does best. He calms everything and everyone down.

Joe and I were on a cruise last year and it was our first. The first day I got out of the bed, looked out the little round window and said something like - "Holy smoke - what have we done?" We were completely surrounded by water - calm water - and, NOTHING but water. I was completely and thoroughly intimidated. And, even though we were on a fairly large ship, it seemed to be awfully small in comparison to our surroundings. Did I mention we were surrounded by nothing but water, deep and powerful water?

I can't imagine being in a small wooden boat during a ferocious storm. I, too, would have been terrified, panicked and would be screaming - "Lord, save us, we are going to drown."

This week has felt a bit like being in a storm. Even though we are trying to be calm about my employment situation and to keep our wits about us; oftentimes, the waves of our circumstances have been somewhat overwhelming. The fear of not being able to meet our obligations, not being able to take care of our medical needs, not being able to enjoy the lifestyle we now enjoy, not being able to put food on our table - has paralyzed us for a moment - and, usually, for only a brief moment. That is when the words come to me: "Why are you so afraid? Relax! Keep your eyes on me and I will take care of all that you need".

It's comforting to know that Jesus is riding the storm with us. At times, it is hard to hear his voice through all of the rumblings around us. But, this we know - storms do not last forever and and then the sun will shine.

NEW THINGS:  I'm learning more and more about the internet and how it can be my friend or nemesis. I am humbled by the outpouring of support and love I have rec'd this week - amazing friends that are invested in walking this road with us. I came up with my very own recipe this week - Chicken with good sauce - how is that for a name - it was yummy! And I watched my daughter (the veterinarian) clean Hank's (he's our dog) teeth - pretty cool!